What about the boys?

The world we live in is scary for all parents. As it was for our parents, their parents and down the line it goes. Each generation has had it's fair share of controversies while raising their babies. In the end I know most of us are just doing our best no matter how scrutinized our decisions might be. I was recently at an event when I heard a conversation happen about raising children. 

The comments went something like this "I know how to raise a strong, independent woman. How to teach her to love herself and work hard. But my son? I have no clue what to do with him". My heart broke. Being the momma of two boys I realized in an instant that our society is so focused on our daughters being fierce leaders, independent and hard workers (which don't misunderstand me, is AMAZING). However, we are forgetting about the boys. We are taking away their masculinity. We are are down playing their need  for hard work, to be boys, play in the dirt, get dirty, be crazy, be protectors. You guys, this is INATE. God made our son's this way, and as a society we are taking this from them. We are so focused on women, we are forgetting about the men. 

Let me do a little tangent about girls. I was terrified if we were going to have a girl. Knowing this world is changing for girls too. I was afraid of the sexualization of girls. I felt like having a boy might be easier because I wouldn't have to deal with drama, periods, boyfriends etc. I did know however, I would raise her how my parents raised me. With love. I would know how to teach her to be strong, embrace who God made her, tell her she is beautiful everyday, I would teach her how to ride a dirt bike, I would teach her hard work, I would be an example by showing her how I run my businesses, I would tell her if she wants to be a stay at home mom that is just as amazing as working full time. 

As much as we roll our eyes at drama, it teaches girls how to be nice, or how it hurts a friend, or how to be strong and stand up for herself. Periods are a pain obviously, but they are a sign that we could be a mother one day (dang we are amazing) and boyfriends? Well, the hope is it helps us weed out the bad ones and know what a good man is if we've had to experience a bad one. My point is yes girls are amazing too! And we embrace all things girly, we encourage it, we celebrate it ALL.

But boys? We don't celebrate them anymore. We don't want them to be too strong or they are a meathead and not smart because they spend all their time in the gym. We don't want them to be the provider because they aren't the only ones that can make money (girls, I KNOW we can be a provider and be so proud of it, but a man can be proud of it too). We don't want them to embrace that instinct to protect because it's dangerous. We don't want them to be rough and rowdy because it's wild. We are taking away the very things that God designed them to be. 

We can still raise men who have those qualities listed above and we can teach them to be good. Now I realize that I am little worried to be raising my boys in this world. Not because of strong women, they are lucky to be surrounded by strong women, but because we are down playing their importance. 

Do your boys a favor, tell them they are wonderful how God made them. Tell them they are handsome. Embrace who they are. Being a kid is hard enough and if you take away who they are meant to be by design it is you who are doing a huge disservice to our future. You are not raising a man who can be with a strong woman. So don't forget about the boys. They are just as important as the girls. 

Whole 30 dropout...well kind of

So I attempted whole 30...for 7 days. I even got through St Patty's Day weekend without partaking in any green beer or Corned Beef Sandwiches! But when Monday hit, day 8, I was a mess. In the book they say this is part of the process, and I get it, I really do. I just couldn't handle how I was feeling, so I had a hard decision to make.

Living Whole 30 just isn't realistic to me, right now. That was my issue from the beginning. I kind of entered into it with a negative outlook. I am aware it is not meant to be forever, that is is meant to be a reset, I am also aware it is only 30 days. Maybe the 30 days I picked were too challenging, maybe this type of reset isn't for me, maybe I am lazy, maybe I am not good at prepping.  The reasons or excuses are endless, but all I know is that my mental health was suffering and a diet is not worth that to me. I struggle with anxiety- OCD particularly- (yes I know people say whole 30 can help with that), so adding a trigger to obsessive thoughts was not healthy. Am I saying I won't try it again? No way! I do think there are amazing benefits, and although I do feel like I am in-tuned with my body, trying whole 30 again might reveal some trouble foods for me. All I know is I dropped 7 pounds in a week, that tells you something.

I am a rule follower to the core. Anyone that knows me can attest to that. I struggled with "breaking" the rules. For example, whole 30 really only wants you eating 3 times a day (if you have to snack in between you must), and I know that my body functions optimally when I eat about 5 times a day. So I was snacking, healthy of course. Also you're supposed to read labels and buy certain meats and what not...I did read the labels. However, to find true whole 30 approved foods, spices etc. you have to shop at certain stores, none of which are near me. I did make it work as best I could but I had this nagging feeling that I was doing it wrong. And here lies the problem, a person who does not struggle with OCD, wouldn't be bothered by these silly reasons or feelings, but they were really bothering me. I tried to say it didn't matter and that I could do it how I was, which I could have, but it was creating more of an issue for me than a benefit.

In the amount of time I did it, all I could think about was food. I was so hungry. I lost weight which feels AMAZING, and it was a great jumpstart to that. I did learn some things about myself that I didn't want to acknowledge prior to whole 30. Things like, I eat out waaaay too much. The hubs and I LOOOVE good food, that we don't have to prepare, haha! I make excuses for why I deserve a latte with a bagel ("oh it's raining today, a nice cold latte would be sooooo good and you don't have Starbucks every day like you used to""a bagel in silence would be so nice"). I eat breakfast and then hold off on food all day and then I eat a late snack two hours before dinner. This was probably my biggest issue. My body never knew when I was going to feed it, so it was holding onto what I gave it when I finally choose to feed it.  While I am preparing certain dinners I will eat, say chips and salsa, then proceed to eat said meal while I am full from what I just stuffed my face with. I LOVE sweets and although this is not news to me, I am more aware of just how often I reach for them.

Basically I need balance. Struggling with some eating issues in the past I cannot let food have that hold over me. It's too easy for me to slip into a funk at this moment.  I know this is getting long winded, but I just wanted to say that if you're feeling this way about food or a diet, what works for one person might not work for you. I am still eating healthy, I'm just adjusting some whole 30 rules and giving myself grace. It was a lot harder than I anticipated and that's okay.

Right now, I want to enjoy my boys, enjoy good healthy food and some not so healthy food and focus on getting a solid workout routine. I felt like I failed because I stepped away from whole 30, but since I made that decision I've been happier and I'm enjoying preparing my meals again.

Signed off,

The Whole 30 Dropout 

Even Steven

"Mommy, I want you to rub my back just like you rubbed Unter's"

"Mommy, say exactly what you said to him, to me"

These are a few phrases I have been hearing lately. I know that any mom can relate to the feeling of "am I giving enough to both (or all) of my children?" I know we all try our hardest to be fair, to give our whole selves to each of those sweet babies of ours.

With twins, that need to be fair, do the same thing for one as you do for the other, spend equal amounts of time and energy seems to be so in your face. There is constant comparison even if it's not coming from the parent. It's coming from parent's friends, it's coming from peers, and from strangers (I cannot tell you how many times I hear "oh that one has this and the other one doesn't). These comments are meant well, I know they are. However, my son's hear comparison and the older they get the more it plays into day to day things.

The boys are fraternal, so they don't look alike.
I think it is so incredible to have such different looking twins. When they were younger, Hunter struggled with not having red hair. It broke my heart, because if he could just see himself the way I see him, he would undoubtedly know how amazing he is with his beautiful brown hair. Lately Colton has been struggling with if I give Hunter a compliment why I didn't give him the same compliment. I try my hardest to explain that they are different boys and each special snuggle, or back rub, or compliment is special to them and they don't have to have exactly the same thing all the time.

It's. so. hard. sometimes.

I never want either one of them to feel less loved. Most parents would agree that each child you have will require some change ups in how you parent them. After all, they aren't all the same. One child might demand more attention *aahhemmm* I have one of those, one might not need as much guidance, one might be unsure of himself, the list goes on.

I do know that I try, to give special attention even when it's not asked for. I try to sneak a kiss attack for no reason, or just say "hey I love you". I am trying to help them see that they are so uniquely made by our amazing Creator and that it's okay to not be the exact same, or have the exact same.

I'm telling you guys, this has been a challenge with twins. They are different kids and siblings like everyone else, except they have been together since birth. They have shared everything, so making this break up has proven to be hard.

Anyone else with twins go through this? Any twins gone through this?

I pray I am navigating this correctly and that at the end of the day even if they felt like brother got something different or more of, that they know without a doubt how much I love them.

photos by my super talented friend: Casey Torres