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The title is how I felt at the end of yesterday.

Just...blank. Worn down. Emotionally drained. Exhausted. Frustrated.

 

I prayed all day yesterday for patience and strength to get through the day. God granted me those all day until I was able to have a moment to unload when my husband came home.

I love my three guys more than anything. My poor husband who also had crappy day yesterday, walked through the door to a wife who had been crying and was not done....I fed my little Monkey handed him to my husband and walked into our room, laid on the bed, and cried...ugly cried.

The boys were non stop all day. All I wanted to do was clean the kitchen and I couldn't. If  I had them in their walkers they were at my feet crying for me. If I had them playing on the floor, they were grabbing the Christmas tree and pulling needles, or crawling to me in the kitchen. If I put them down for a nap CJ would fight me....and on and on.

Don't think I don't let them cry either...with two, I don't really have a choice! However, you can only listen to your baby cry/ whine for so long before you cave.

I think they are getting stir crazy just as I am.

At the end of the day yesterday, I had just had it. I needed a good cry, and a nap.

The thing is it is okay to have bad days. I haven't broken down like this since the boys have been born. Maybe small freak outs here and there but not full on ugly cry. It is hard to be needed 24/7 and I've been having a real identity crisis lately.

I spoke to a few of my friends over the last few days, I am so glad to hear I am not the only one! haha!

Being a mom is so amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. However, there are hard days. Days when I miss getting up and going to work, days where I miss it just being me and my husband, days were I wish I could eat when I am hungry! I am so in love with my boys though and that's why it is so hard to have those feelings.

But I am human...and I have to learn that it is okay to have those selfish feelings...at times ;)

Other than my venting sesh....although the boys have gotten more clingy, they have been so much fun! Crawling, standing, trying to walk. I love it! They can crawl up on my lap and they snuggle into me, makes my heart melt every time. It is moments like that, at the end of a stressful day, that I soak up every moment and wish they wouldn't grow so fast.

 

This pictures depicts my daily life perfectly. CJ usually is flipping upside down being a crazy, and my little HB "Monkey" is sweetly snuggling me, or holding on as I am trying to save his brother ;)

 

I am so incredibly blessed to have these two. They have taught me so much about myself over the last 10 months. My husband is amazing for putting up with my mood swings and being such a great daddy. I love watching the boys' faces light up when he walks through the door at the end of the day.

 

I hope all you other mommies know it is okay to be overwhelmed. We aren't perfect, we are human! We give our all, all day long. It is exhausting...and that is okay too.

 

~Nic

 

Self Respect: Love Yourself

Okay, so I totally stole this from one of the girls I follow on my fitness Instagram account. Which I hardly use because I am not doing so well on the whole fitness thing at the moment...that is a story for another day.

Anyways... isn't the above paragraph so true? As women we are sooo hard on ourselves. I could sit down and ramble off a whole list of things I DO NOT like about myself without even thinking about it. How sad. What we need to focus on, what I need to focus on, is loving myself and who I am in God's eyes. He created me perfect in His image! Why can't I see that all the time? It is so easy to focus on the things we want to fix or change. What about all the good we have in our lives? What about having life, having health,  jobs, cars, a roof over our heads etc.

After the babies came my body has changed a lot of course. My tummy doesn't look the same, I have bags under my eyes, I feel exhausted like every moment of every day, among other things. But..I am loved, I am living, I am happy!

I started this blog and that instagram account (I hardly use) to jumpstart my fitness journey. It helped, I am definitely conscious of health decisions I make but I struggle a lot with it at the same time, which I have expressed in some of my other posts. When I have these struggles it is so easy to get down on myself and think of the things I am not doing instead of the great things I am doing. I see these beautiful girls on instagram that I use as my motivation and I want to be like them...but I have to remind myself, a lot of those women are fitness models..their job is to be fit and in shape ALL THE TIME. That's not my job. I am first and foremost a mom and a wife, and I love that. I love me in that role.

Don't get me wrong it is great to be healthy and fit and that is what I strive for, but in the meantime it is so important to love where you are in life. Love your journey. Love what God has given you, because in His eyes you are BEAUTIFUL all the time. What a great feeling that is!

Until next time, my 5 followers...haha! Love you and Happy Halloween!

I'm so stoked to have my very own Batman and Robin this year ;)

~Nic

Prayers

So as I sit here thinking of a zillion things to blog about, but don't have time to write...my heart is aching for a fellow blogger. I only started following her blog a couple days ago when my friend sent me her link. I'm really weird about blogging...I love to put stuff out there, but not too personal. That's just me. So I naturally do not feel write blogging all about this momma seeing as I don't know her personally. However, her blog is public and I know she has a lot of followers. All I ask is that you pray for her and her husband. You can read their story here.