It's been a year!

A year ago today, my husband and I were driving away from the NICU with our almost 1 month old, five pound baby.  Our hearts were broken as we had to leave his brother behind because he was not well enough to come home. We were so excited, scared and many other things. Excited to FINALLY have part of our heart home with us, scared he would stop breathing in the night or end up back in the NICU, and sad to be leaving his twin brother behind.

As I was rocking the boys tonight and singing to them, CJ looked up at me as he usually does, and started "singing" with the biggest smile on his face. Wow, what a difference a year has made in their little lives and ours. I fought back tears, my heart is so full.

When the boys were born my first memory of CJ is looking over and seeing him being worked on. I didn't hear him cry. I just saw this tiny little thing they were pumping oxygen into with one of those blue puffy things. He wasn't moving, and although I don't remember what the nurses were saying I do remember the sense of urgency in the room.

Going through what we went through as NICU parents, forever changed us. Those little boys of ours, are our whole hearts. We learned what a true fighter is. We learned to lean on our faith, and that the power of prayer is an amazing thing that can carry you when you feel like you are at the edge of nowhere.

This year of having CJ home has been such a blessing. He is definitely my strong willed child! I've learned patience, I've learned that "a little dirt don't hurt" (I am a germ-a-phob, but with two boys...you get the picture), I've learned that when he looks at me I feel like I am the most important thing in the world and that I've never been more proud of anything in my life (that goes for he and his brother).

I thank the Lord every night for trusting my husband and I enough to raise a great man who will know Him. So thankful for this little miracle.

Weaning the Babies

When the boys were born I knew I wanted them to get breast milk, but I also knew that nursing twins would be a challenge. When they ended up in the NICU, the only thing I could do to help them get stronger everyday was pump for them. Thus began my pumping journey. I pumped for 2 1/2 months, part of that time, they were in the NICU and the other part of the time, I was trying to teach them and myself how to breastfeed.

You know the whole "it's natural" thing...well it is not a "natural" thing that you as a mom just know how to do, and it takes work to make sure that your little is latching right. It's a lot of work, darn it! I remember about 2 months in, nursing the boys for about 30 minutes and getting sad that none of us were getting the hang of it, I looked down and the boys and said "you two better figure this out, because I am not giving up!" Not soon after, we all seemed to figure it out.

All that work and worry to get them to breastfeed, I never once thought about the weaning process.

Weaning the babies has been quite the process, it's been hard on all three of us, but we are getting there. It's hard for me because it means my babies don't need just me anymore. The stage of them being "babies" is slowly coming to a close. It's been hard for them because, well, they just don't understand why mommy isn't plopping down on the couch to feed them every 3-4 hours! Trust me when I say they are getting plenty of food! My sore back and tired feet are proof of that! I feel like all I do anymore is make babyfood!

I started weaning them at about 11 months. I cut out one feeding a week until we were down to morning and night feedings. I kept those for a while. My plan was to keep the night time feeding for a little bit longer but it ended up getting dropped first because my husband was home to help feed them cups of milk.  HB had a really hard time that first feeding with a cup. He fought and fought and looked at my like "why momma?" I just kept saying "I love you"...it made me really sad. However, I could also tell my supply was dropping dramatically. They needed more milk and I just wasn't making enough anymore.

I knew that I wanted my last feeding with them to be individual. I planned that I would do this a couple weeks after I incorporated the night time cups...but there was a different plan...

A few morning after they started drinking milk from a sippy cup, HB woke up around 4:30am. I took that opportunity to nurse him. When CJ woke up at 7am I nursed him by himself, and like that we were done. I gave HB a sippy cup for his normal morning feeding, which he took with no fight.

We are now going on 4 days of no breastfeeding. It makes me sad at times, I do miss that closeness with them, but we started something new. At night after they are in their PJs and they are full bellied babies, I take them in their room and rock them. I sing or hum and they will sometimes make humming noises also. They love this routine. The second I sit in that chair they know. CJ's thumb goes straight into his mouth and HB's fingers in his. CJ will usually look up at my and give me the sweetest smile while HB usually nuzzles closer to me. It really is a special time, and although not the same closeness as nursing, it is a very sweet bonding time for the boys and I.

I cannot believe that a year ago we were driving back and forth to the NICU, hoping for better news than the days before.  A year ago, they weren't able to takes breaths on their own and now they are trying to walk! When  I rock them before I put them in their cribs, I feel their breaths. I check on them before I go to bed and feel their sweet little hearts beating. It brings tears to my eyes how fast they have grown, remembering how scary the first month of their lives was. These amazing babies have changed me. They are my pride and joy, my little buddies. I couldn't imagine my life without CJ and HB.

So even though the nursing phase is over, I am looking forward to all the amazing new phases to come! 

First Weigh In

Well that was a big ol disappointment! Instead of losing weight I gained :( 3 pounds!

I had been doing so well! I was down 4 pounds last week when I weighed myself at home. I did so great with my food the first week. Of course, the weekend hit and that was hard...I indulged a little more than I should have, but not as bad as I used to. 

Then this week happened. I did good until Wednesday. Pizza. Delish. Then each day after that I allowed myself cheats, forgetting to drink my water. Although the majority of my meals were healthy I indulged too much and it showed on the scale. 

I do have to say though, even though I've gained weight, I can tell I've lost some inches. I've started working out at home in our garage with weights, doing ab workouts inside, and going on walks again. It feels good!

Note: I started writing this post last week and never finished...so here I am updating it now.

I weigh in again on Sunday. Wish me luck!