Take the time

Having twins is hectic, just as I'm sure having multiple children is. I spend most of my days just trying to survive and keep these two alive. I really, really try to have special moments with the boys...but it is hard. When I get a chance with one, the other is about to take a head dive off the couch onto the tile. Lord help me (and He has)!

Tonight I went to check on the boys before I snuck off to bed. I went to CJ's crib and he was laying on his back all sprawled out, so cute. I felt his chest move up and down and remembered a time when I had to watch through the incubator as he struggled to breathe. 

I walked over to HB's crib and touched his back, this woke him. Shoot!!! I thought, if I stay really still he won't know I'm in here and I can sneak out real quick and...he sits up, smiles then crawls up the side if his crib. I couldn't resist, I picked him up, sat in the glider and rocked him. So sweet.

I thought of this sweet momma Jacqui whose blog I've been following since her three year old boy passed away, I held HB closer. I looked at his tiny hands that aren't so tiny anymore. When he came into this world his hands were so incredibly small. HB laid there with his head on my chest, loving the special time with his momma. I soaked it in and didn't want to put him down.

The truth of the matter is, I get so caught up in routines. Making sure the boys get fed by this time, are down by naps at this time, don't crack their heads open falling off the couch, don't hit each other, share and on and on, along with the other household things I should be doing during the day. These routines make me forget to stop, and enjoy. Life is too darn short. My babies are babies ONE TIME. These moments are fleeting, I know one day I'll blink and they will be graduating high school, have girlfriends, move out. Tear. 

It is so important to love on your babies, no mater if they or you should be doing something else at that moment. Being a mom is the most exhausting thing I've ever done, but it is the best thing I've ever done. 

Be there, be present wih your littles, because hey are only little for so long. 

Things I love about being a Mommy

 

This totally cracked me up because this is how I felt yesterday

 

First let me just tell you how my day went yesterday...

7am babies wake up get their milk
7:30am all madness breaks loose, the boys remember that they learned how to get on the couch...but they don't sit there, no no. They crawl, run, giggle...all the while I am trying desperately to save their little lives (and heads) so they don't fall off onto the tile. I'm now upset.
8am wrangled them into the front play room
Sometime between 8am and 9am I get us all fed, we play, I text a friend at the end of my rope because again they've gotten back on the couch. I've done timeouts, I've raised my voice (not proud). Do you have any idea how difficult time out is with twins? It's darn near impossible!
So that was JUST my morning. Pretty much all day went like that. Then CJ had a hard time falling asleep so he cried from about 7pm to I think 8:30pm he finally fell asleep, after my husband fell asleep in the rocker by their cribs.

It is safe to say, it was a hard day. My brain was fried, my emotions were fried, I was physically drained. All because I was trying to teach them it is not okay to act crazy on the couch, but also because I don't want them to get hurt on the tile. Some of you might think I am ridiculous and I should let them be crazy, but their safety was at stake. 

What this post is truly about though, is not my crazy day, but what I love about being a mommy. Even on those days.

Here are a few things I love about being a mommy:

The boys will bring me their toys that they know are supposed to make noises when they won't turn on.
I love watching them learn.
I love teaching them.
I love watching their eyes light up with Daddy gets home.
I love the random hugs they will give me.
I love that when I am in the kitchen they come "check" on me, give me a sweet smile then go back to playing
I love being one of the few people who understands them.
I love that they teach me new things everyday.
I love that they run to me if something makes them uncomfortable.
I love that I am their safe place, and they are mine.
I love that they are the best parts of my husband and I, and even though they are twins they couldn't be more different.

There is so much more I love about being a mom.  It grows on a daily basis.

I woke up today, renewed. I prayed all day yesterday for strength. Strength, He gave me. This morning when the boys went to the couch, instead of timeouts or yelling. I simply picked up the culprit, held his brother's hand and walked them both into the front room. Rerouting their attention. All three of us are much happier with this tactic. And they aren't challenging me nearly as much...hmm weird how that works.

So even on the days your having a bad mommy day, remember the things you LOVE about being a mom. Everything we experience here is temporary. That bad day, is a bad DAY not a bad life. Of course, I know in the moment it doesn't feel like that. In fact, if you had told me that yesterday, you would have probably gotten slapped. Ha!

Babies are stirring, so it is time for the second segment of my day to begin...anyone else feel like their day is in segments? Just remember, being a Mommy is such an amazing blessing, and we ALL have bad days...anyone who tells you different, is probably not being a straight shooter.

Love you all and have a beautiful weekend!

~Nic

A year as a WHOLE family

A year ago my little guys were 6lbs if we were lucky. They were officially a month and a week old.

We got to bring HB home on Good Friday last year. March 29, 2013. What a GREAT Friday that was.

I took pictures as we left the NICU. Pictures of those doors that we pushed through nearly every day to see our little boys, pictures of the boys in their car seats side by side. I took video of us driving out of the parking structure. Silly? Maybe, but it was a HUGE deal for us. We were finally closing the NICU chapter and opening up a new one at home.

Leaving the NICU was bittersweet in a way.You see, even though you want nothing more than  your babies to be home with you, there is a fear. A fear they might DSAT or Brady on your watch and you'll never know, a fear that in their sleep they might stop breathing and there isn't a machine to let you know that something is up. In the NICU they were safe. I know they were safe with us, of course, but those alarms and machines although scary at first, become a sense of comfort. We became close with the nurses. They see you in your most vulnerable state. I was really shut off from the world during that time, but those nurses and doctors were some of the only people I wanted to talk to. After five long weeks, we were finally saying goodbye and taking our little HB home.

We got home late that night. As we pulled up there was one of those wooden storks in our front yard. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. Not being able to bring the boys home from the hospital with me was really hard, I didn't get newborn pictures of them wrapped up all cute or people who got to visit my babies in the nursery. But seeing this sign in my lawn that night brought tears to my eyes because I finally got something that was "normal". It was really special and I am so thankful to my friend who made that sign for us.

That night was sleepless, as it is for all new parents. I am pretty sure I checked to see if HB was breathing like a thousand times! We luckily had bought an Angel Care monitor that will sound an alarm if your baby stops moving for more than 20 seconds. It picks up their breathing as small of a movement as that is. That gave us some comfort.  Finally my heart was in one place. I had my husband and my sweet baby boys all under one roof.

Here we are, a year later. With two amazing little boys. Who walk, crawl, climb, babble, laugh, cry, sing and so much more. It is incredible to me that just a year ago these little guys were barely 6 pounds. Wow, what a miracle a baby is.

 Our last ride up the elevator to the 4th floor!

 Those doors, I'll never forget the first time being pushed through them. I was so scared/ excited/ nervous...

 What was waiting for us when we came home as a WHOLE family :)