I wanted to be everything

I've struggle so much to blog. It's not that I have nothing to say, because I do! I just worry, will what I say one day affect the boys in a way I don't want it to? Will they misinterpret things I say about parenthood? Am I saying too much, being too honest? I still haven't fully decided what direction I am going to take this blog. It started as a fitness type thing, but that quickly fell apart, like a lot of things that I have attempted since becoming a mom...which is what brings me to this blog post.

I want to be everything. I struggle so much with what social media puts out there as far as what we as moms are supposed to be. Being that I am a stay at home mom, I'm supposed to be organized, have my stuff together, but also run a side business and do all these extras. Please don't get me wrong, I look up to those mommas who have that amazing energy. I am not one of them. I neeeeeed my sleep. When the boys nap, I do too, on days I have extra energy, yay! However, most days I jut need that 20 minute power nap, and then I know I can tackle the afternoon head on.  I know one day I won't feel so exhausted, but for now, this is the stage I'm in, the running after two, almost three year olds, stopping every 2-3 minutes to answer sweet questions, break up a fight or take a picture. I LOVE staying home, but I struggle that I am not doing enough.

Before I had the boys my drive to be successful was great! I worked full time and received my Bachelors degree in Business Management. After we got married I got a new job and worked there for 2 years. During my time at this new company I realized I wanted to change fields. I wanted to become a Speech Pathologist. I began taking classes and commuting an hour once a week after working a full day. It was about 3 weeks into my class we found out I was pregnant, and then around week 5 when we found out it was twins. The drive home from my class was exhausting and late at night. Yes, count it as an excuse, I just didn't feel like it was safe for me to keep driving that time and distance during my twin pregnancy.

I had every intention on working part time after we had kids, but throw in the twin factor and daycare...that idea quickly went out the door and that was okay, really, it was. I LOVE being home with the boys, there is no where I would rather be. However, there is this drive in me that I have to do more, accomplish more, be busier....what is that?! I'm a mommy to twin boys for goodness sake, I'm pretty darn busy!

This drive to do more is strong though, I've attempted many different work from home opportunities and when I don't see the fruits of my labor flourish quickly, I am over it. I am so impatient now a days. Why? I think it's because I want something to show off. Look! I stay home and I do this and I do that. Please, my mommy friends who are reading this and have their own companies, or work full time, please know how much I admire you and I see that as a gift that God gave you! God gifted me in a different way, perfect for me. I really, really  need to accept that, and know that it is okay to not be everything and the biggest thing to realize is most moms feel this way. I want so badly to just enjoy where God has me in life right now, because one day I will miss this so incredibly much. One day, I will be busier and I will miss the busy I have now. God has gifted me with being a stay at home mommy, I might not meet the same social media expectations but I meet His and that is what matters the most.

Because at the end of the day, I am everything to two little boys and their daddy.

It's been a while

I just re read my last blog post about transitioning the boys to toddler beds. Well my friends, we've done it again.

Now to big boy beds.

It was so sad for me to move their cribs out of their room. My hubby was gone all day and we had their new beds being delivered so it was up to me to take their cribs apart, tear. I think it was good for me though. I reminisced about how long it took us to put the stupid things together, and I was able to disassemble them both within 30 minutes. I thought about all the diaper changes that happened on that changer, when we only had one crib and the boys slept together for a few months, I thought about me taking pregnancy pictures in there weekly, with the crib in the background. Yes, it's just a crib, but I think most moms can relate that each new step in a kids life, is that much further away from when they were your itty bitty baby. And that stings a little. 

So now the boys have a loft bed. Yikes! It's not as tall as a bunk, but still has some height. I was so worried about them falling off when they were learning how to go up and down, and lo and behold, while I was out running some errands I get the call that Roo (formally H.B.) fell from the top of the ladder. He was fine, shaken up a bit, but not hurt, thankfully! That was day one. At night it took a few attempts to get them used to their new sleeping situation. We let them choose if they wanted to sleep together or separate and in which bed they wanted to sleep in. Roo choose the bottom and C.J. choose the top. I was surprised by this, because C.J. is our more cautious boy and Roo is our daredevil, but I think his fall scared him...he still will climb up there, but very carefully. There was no fighting over who got what bed, they were just happy to be in their new big boy beds. 

They slept pretty good (C.J. had a cough so that was keeping him up a bit) but with some rocking and love, he went right back to sleep in his new bed. They look so tiny in these big boy beds. I love it! So proud of my big boys!

Annnnd Life Changes Again

So remember how I was just saying that I feel I handle each transition in the boys' life with ease? I forgot about the toddler bed transition that we were soon to go through. Of course, not realizing it would be the day after I posted about the potty training attempt...

So as I sit here thinking "okay, it only took two times of me going in there, rubbing their backs and telling them these were the same beds they always slept in", I hear CJ just losing it. 

Hubby's turn. He seems to have calmed them both down. 

I'm planning for a long night...even if they do really well, I'm assuming I won't. What if they fall out of the bed? What if they wake up and get out of the room and are scared in the dark? What if they can't find my room in the dark? What if I don't hear them wake up? I have to remind myself that I'm not the first mother to put her babies in toddler beds and I'm not the first mother with these concerns.

Surprisingly this is another phase in life kids and parents do survive! Gasp! It's not always easy, but this is parenting. This is how you teach your children to be brave in a situation they aren't comfortable in. We had to move the beds to block the floor lamp so that the boys wouldn't mess with it during the night, so that adjustment was different too...poor guys! 

Anyways, wish us luck! I keep hearing them come out of the room and my hubby telling them to go back to sleep. I'm enjoying my glass of wine before the late night craziness ensues! 

And PS...we are sooooooo not those pintrest twin parents who have it all matching. I wish we could, I do, but the reality is, twins on a single income are expensive so we did what we could with cribs and bedding 😉 

Until next time friends 😘

{Nic}