A year as a WHOLE family

A year ago my little guys were 6lbs if we were lucky. They were officially a month and a week old.

We got to bring HB home on Good Friday last year. March 29, 2013. What a GREAT Friday that was.

I took pictures as we left the NICU. Pictures of those doors that we pushed through nearly every day to see our little boys, pictures of the boys in their car seats side by side. I took video of us driving out of the parking structure. Silly? Maybe, but it was a HUGE deal for us. We were finally closing the NICU chapter and opening up a new one at home.

Leaving the NICU was bittersweet in a way.You see, even though you want nothing more than  your babies to be home with you, there is a fear. A fear they might DSAT or Brady on your watch and you'll never know, a fear that in their sleep they might stop breathing and there isn't a machine to let you know that something is up. In the NICU they were safe. I know they were safe with us, of course, but those alarms and machines although scary at first, become a sense of comfort. We became close with the nurses. They see you in your most vulnerable state. I was really shut off from the world during that time, but those nurses and doctors were some of the only people I wanted to talk to. After five long weeks, we were finally saying goodbye and taking our little HB home.

We got home late that night. As we pulled up there was one of those wooden storks in our front yard. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. Not being able to bring the boys home from the hospital with me was really hard, I didn't get newborn pictures of them wrapped up all cute or people who got to visit my babies in the nursery. But seeing this sign in my lawn that night brought tears to my eyes because I finally got something that was "normal". It was really special and I am so thankful to my friend who made that sign for us.

That night was sleepless, as it is for all new parents. I am pretty sure I checked to see if HB was breathing like a thousand times! We luckily had bought an Angel Care monitor that will sound an alarm if your baby stops moving for more than 20 seconds. It picks up their breathing as small of a movement as that is. That gave us some comfort.  Finally my heart was in one place. I had my husband and my sweet baby boys all under one roof.

Here we are, a year later. With two amazing little boys. Who walk, crawl, climb, babble, laugh, cry, sing and so much more. It is incredible to me that just a year ago these little guys were barely 6 pounds. Wow, what a miracle a baby is.

 Our last ride up the elevator to the 4th floor!

 Those doors, I'll never forget the first time being pushed through them. I was so scared/ excited/ nervous...

 What was waiting for us when we came home as a WHOLE family :)

End of Weight Loss Challenge

So I guess the biggest news would be that I didn't go to my final weigh in. I have a few reasons for not doing so...

I lost the weight I had gained from my last weigh in, plus more. Super stoked about that. However, what I didn't want was to go and be disappointed in the number I saw. This challenge was purely weight loss, they didn't take any other measurements and I KNOW that I have lost inches and gained muscle.

I don't want to put importance on the number on the scale. I do have a goal weight but what is more important to me is being healthy and liking how I look, not how much I weigh.

I honestly felt like I wasn't going to "win" the grande prize because I didn't lose that much. So I just opted out. At first I was really upset at myself, thinking I gave up. This is not the case, I still have my goals. I don't need to win a challenge to know that I have done well. I have a scale at home and I can see my weight loss at home. I don't need a prize for losing weight.

I am thankful for starting the challenge though. It got my butt in gear. It was something that I needed to help me really jump start my health journey. I had been trying and couldn't get the gusto to just do it. Well, this helped me and I am thankful for that. I have a lot to learn still, more weight to lose and more muscle to gain.

This is my after weight loss challenge photo

This was my before picture

WITH clothes on, you can't see a huge difference, but trust me there is one ;) I am really proud of myself. I'm a busy momma and making time to take care of myself has been very difficult, but being healthy for myself and my boys is really important to me. 

Here's to a healthy, happy me!

It's been a year!

A year ago today, my husband and I were driving away from the NICU with our almost 1 month old, five pound baby.  Our hearts were broken as we had to leave his brother behind because he was not well enough to come home. We were so excited, scared and many other things. Excited to FINALLY have part of our heart home with us, scared he would stop breathing in the night or end up back in the NICU, and sad to be leaving his twin brother behind.

As I was rocking the boys tonight and singing to them, CJ looked up at me as he usually does, and started "singing" with the biggest smile on his face. Wow, what a difference a year has made in their little lives and ours. I fought back tears, my heart is so full.

When the boys were born my first memory of CJ is looking over and seeing him being worked on. I didn't hear him cry. I just saw this tiny little thing they were pumping oxygen into with one of those blue puffy things. He wasn't moving, and although I don't remember what the nurses were saying I do remember the sense of urgency in the room.

Going through what we went through as NICU parents, forever changed us. Those little boys of ours, are our whole hearts. We learned what a true fighter is. We learned to lean on our faith, and that the power of prayer is an amazing thing that can carry you when you feel like you are at the edge of nowhere.

This year of having CJ home has been such a blessing. He is definitely my strong willed child! I've learned patience, I've learned that "a little dirt don't hurt" (I am a germ-a-phob, but with two boys...you get the picture), I've learned that when he looks at me I feel like I am the most important thing in the world and that I've never been more proud of anything in my life (that goes for he and his brother).

I thank the Lord every night for trusting my husband and I enough to raise a great man who will know Him. So thankful for this little miracle.