We decided pretty soon after the boys were born that we were done having children. After my pregnancy ended sooner than expected, my pregnancy induced hypertention, the boys being in the NICU and the possibility of me having twins again, we felt it was best to not have more. My mom has always said she didn't feel like our family was completed until she had my youngest sister. Once they brought her home, they were a complete family. I feel like our little family is very complete, I don't feel like we are missing a person, so this works out great for us! If God blesses us with another, of course I will love that baby just the same and I can bet I will feel VERY complete, and a bit crazy! Haha!
With that said, knowing that I am done having babies means I've had to say goodbye to baby stages as they come and then go. There is a part of me that is sad I only got to experience certain things once, but times two. Ha! A neighbor at my mom's house (who has twins) put it perfectly. She said "when you have twins, and only twins, you go through each stage like everyone else, but you only experience it once, you are inundated with it, but you only get it once. Singleton families get to experience those baby stages a second time, third time etc". She put my thoughts into words so perfectly. I was feeling like I was missing something but couldn't put my finger on it until she said that. Of course, every family is different, some want more and can't have more, some have several, some have one, the thing is, we all go through letting the baby stage go, and it's sad.
My babies are toddlers, they need me, but not the same way as they used to. The sweet little baby noises, nursing, baby food making etc. I got it, and I got a lot of it, but I only got it once. I am okay with that! Just like when you wean your baby from nursing, there is a part of you that is sad that very hard, but very amazing part of your life and relationship with your baby is over.
I used to stand in the kitchen and be so frustrated that making their food took me so long. Like I wasn't tired enough? Then they would go through 10 jars of baby food in what felt like 3 days! Or that nursing them took two of us to get me set up. Diapers changes took twice as long and I had two reflux babies. Those responsibilities as a mom have changed. I've had to let the baby stage go.... Now, I miss those days. I see these little babies, hanging out in their boppies or in their swings and although those first months with the boys were very hard, I miss that too. Do I want to do it again? Oh no, haha! However, I miss it a lot.
So take it in. Take in the stress, the cries, the first baby giggles, the baths, the numerous diaper and outfit changes, take in those baby moments and if and when you get to do it again, love every moment, because it goes way too fast! It is so easy to get caught up in trying to survive somedays, that it is so important to remember you will blink and these sweet babies will be big kids.
~Nicole
