So I attempted whole 30...for 7 days. I even got through St Patty's Day weekend without partaking in any green beer or Corned Beef Sandwiches! But when Monday hit, day 8, I was a mess. In the book they say this is part of the process, and I get it, I really do. I just couldn't handle how I was feeling, so I had a hard decision to make.
Living Whole 30 just isn't realistic to me, right now. That was my issue from the beginning. I kind of entered into it with a negative outlook. I am aware it is not meant to be forever, that is is meant to be a reset, I am also aware it is only 30 days. Maybe the 30 days I picked were too challenging, maybe this type of reset isn't for me, maybe I am lazy, maybe I am not good at prepping. The reasons or excuses are endless, but all I know is that my mental health was suffering and a diet is not worth that to me. I struggle with anxiety- OCD particularly- (yes I know people say whole 30 can help with that), so adding a trigger to obsessive thoughts was not healthy. Am I saying I won't try it again? No way! I do think there are amazing benefits, and although I do feel like I am in-tuned with my body, trying whole 30 again might reveal some trouble foods for me. All I know is I dropped 7 pounds in a week, that tells you something.
I am a rule follower to the core. Anyone that knows me can attest to that. I struggled with "breaking" the rules. For example, whole 30 really only wants you eating 3 times a day (if you have to snack in between you must), and I know that my body functions optimally when I eat about 5 times a day. So I was snacking, healthy of course. Also you're supposed to read labels and buy certain meats and what not...I did read the labels. However, to find true whole 30 approved foods, spices etc. you have to shop at certain stores, none of which are near me. I did make it work as best I could but I had this nagging feeling that I was doing it wrong. And here lies the problem, a person who does not struggle with OCD, wouldn't be bothered by these silly reasons or feelings, but they were really bothering me. I tried to say it didn't matter and that I could do it how I was, which I could have, but it was creating more of an issue for me than a benefit.
In the amount of time I did it, all I could think about was food. I was so hungry. I lost weight which feels AMAZING, and it was a great jumpstart to that. I did learn some things about myself that I didn't want to acknowledge prior to whole 30. Things like, I eat out waaaay too much. The hubs and I LOOOVE good food, that we don't have to prepare, haha! I make excuses for why I deserve a latte with a bagel ("oh it's raining today, a nice cold latte would be sooooo good and you don't have Starbucks every day like you used to""a bagel in silence would be so nice"). I eat breakfast and then hold off on food all day and then I eat a late snack two hours before dinner. This was probably my biggest issue. My body never knew when I was going to feed it, so it was holding onto what I gave it when I finally choose to feed it. While I am preparing certain dinners I will eat, say chips and salsa, then proceed to eat said meal while I am full from what I just stuffed my face with. I LOVE sweets and although this is not news to me, I am more aware of just how often I reach for them.
Basically I need balance. Struggling with some eating issues in the past I cannot let food have that hold over me. It's too easy for me to slip into a funk at this moment. I know this is getting long winded, but I just wanted to say that if you're feeling this way about food or a diet, what works for one person might not work for you. I am still eating healthy, I'm just adjusting some whole 30 rules and giving myself grace. It was a lot harder than I anticipated and that's okay.
Right now, I want to enjoy my boys, enjoy good healthy food and some not so healthy food and focus on getting a solid workout routine. I felt like I failed because I stepped away from whole 30, but since I made that decision I've been happier and I'm enjoying preparing my meals again.
Signed off,
The Whole 30 Dropout
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Friday, March 9, 2018
Even Steven
"Mommy, I want you to rub my back just like you rubbed Unter's"
"Mommy, say exactly what you said to him, to me"
These are a few phrases I have been hearing lately. I know that any mom can relate to the feeling of "am I giving enough to both (or all) of my children?" I know we all try our hardest to be fair, to give our whole selves to each of those sweet babies of ours.
With twins, that need to be fair, do the same thing for one as you do for the other, spend equal amounts of time and energy seems to be so in your face. There is constant comparison even if it's not coming from the parent. It's coming from parent's friends, it's coming from peers, and from strangers (I cannot tell you how many times I hear "oh that one has this and the other one doesn't). These comments are meant well, I know they are. However, my son's hear comparison and the older they get the more it plays into day to day things.
The boys are fraternal, so they don't look alike.
I think it is so incredible to have such different looking twins. When they were younger, Hunter struggled with not having red hair. It broke my heart, because if he could just see himself the way I see him, he would undoubtedly know how amazing he is with his beautiful brown hair. Lately Colton has been struggling with if I give Hunter a compliment why I didn't give him the same compliment. I try my hardest to explain that they are different boys and each special snuggle, or back rub, or compliment is special to them and they don't have to have exactly the same thing all the time.
It's. so. hard. sometimes.
I never want either one of them to feel less loved. Most parents would agree that each child you have will require some change ups in how you parent them. After all, they aren't all the same. One child might demand more attention *aahhemmm* I have one of those, one might not need as much guidance, one might be unsure of himself, the list goes on.
I do know that I try, to give special attention even when it's not asked for. I try to sneak a kiss attack for no reason, or just say "hey I love you". I am trying to help them see that they are so uniquely made by our amazing Creator and that it's okay to not be the exact same, or have the exact same.
I'm telling you guys, this has been a challenge with twins. They are different kids and siblings like everyone else, except they have been together since birth. They have shared everything, so making this break up has proven to be hard.
Anyone else with twins go through this? Any twins gone through this?
I pray I am navigating this correctly and that at the end of the day even if they felt like brother got something different or more of, that they know without a doubt how much I love them.
"Mommy, say exactly what you said to him, to me"
These are a few phrases I have been hearing lately. I know that any mom can relate to the feeling of "am I giving enough to both (or all) of my children?" I know we all try our hardest to be fair, to give our whole selves to each of those sweet babies of ours.
With twins, that need to be fair, do the same thing for one as you do for the other, spend equal amounts of time and energy seems to be so in your face. There is constant comparison even if it's not coming from the parent. It's coming from parent's friends, it's coming from peers, and from strangers (I cannot tell you how many times I hear "oh that one has this and the other one doesn't). These comments are meant well, I know they are. However, my son's hear comparison and the older they get the more it plays into day to day things.
The boys are fraternal, so they don't look alike.
I think it is so incredible to have such different looking twins. When they were younger, Hunter struggled with not having red hair. It broke my heart, because if he could just see himself the way I see him, he would undoubtedly know how amazing he is with his beautiful brown hair. Lately Colton has been struggling with if I give Hunter a compliment why I didn't give him the same compliment. I try my hardest to explain that they are different boys and each special snuggle, or back rub, or compliment is special to them and they don't have to have exactly the same thing all the time.
It's. so. hard. sometimes.
I never want either one of them to feel less loved. Most parents would agree that each child you have will require some change ups in how you parent them. After all, they aren't all the same. One child might demand more attention *aahhemmm* I have one of those, one might not need as much guidance, one might be unsure of himself, the list goes on.
I do know that I try, to give special attention even when it's not asked for. I try to sneak a kiss attack for no reason, or just say "hey I love you". I am trying to help them see that they are so uniquely made by our amazing Creator and that it's okay to not be the exact same, or have the exact same.
I'm telling you guys, this has been a challenge with twins. They are different kids and siblings like everyone else, except they have been together since birth. They have shared everything, so making this break up has proven to be hard.
Anyone else with twins go through this? Any twins gone through this?
I pray I am navigating this correctly and that at the end of the day even if they felt like brother got something different or more of, that they know without a doubt how much I love them.
photos by my super talented friend: Casey Torres
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
When you live in a backwards world
News of yet another mass school shooting lit up our TV screens, our social media accounts and broke our hearts into a million pieces. It started yet another anti gun debate, sparked more hatred in people's hearts and instead of clinging on to one another lead people to split lines.
When will this stop?
When will we stop hating eachother?
When will we stop pointing fingers?
When will we start loving eachother?
Isn't that where the issue is? I see more hate in our schools that I ever did growing up, and my boys aren't even in school yet. The bullying that is taking place is just...I have no words for how cruel these kids are.
The issue we are facing is we are raising kids in a day and age where there is instant satisfaction and no consequences. Children are not having to work for anything. Why are having chores something you rarely hear about anymore? There are no consequences for poor actions. Parents make excuses for their children. Parents are taking a step back and letting the world raise their children. Parents LET their children run the show "oh, you don't like that little Johnny, okay we won't do it then". I am sorry people, disappointment is part of life. Do I like to disappoint my kids? Of course, not. But I am also not going to let them tell me what to do either. Obviously certain situations, of course I listen to my child's concerns, but I think you all get where I am going with this.
The sad part is, it goes so much deeper than that. These children are so desensitized to real life. The games they play promote violence. These social media accounts they are on enable bullying at a rate that is out of control. Children are watching shows and hearing conversations that are too big for them. When did we stop parenting??? When did we start saying "oh, it's just a game, it won't make a difference". Guys, it does make a difference and it IS! We are loosing our babies to things that can be controlled and can be changed.
We as parents need to be more available to our kids. We need to get our faces out of our phones, and off our computers, because we are teaching them that being disengaged is okay. We are teaching them that what everyone else is doing in their life is more important than what is happening right in front of their face.
I could go on and on, and I truly hope my point is coming across. Lately, it's sure seems like we are living in a backwards world. Change happens in the home...we have to stop sending our kids to school to have teachers raise them, and then not have the teachers back when there is a problem. We have to be available to our kids. We have to stop making excuses for them. We need to be more aware! We need to monitor what our kids are doing, seeing and saying. God gave us this amazing gift of being parents. He trusted us to raise the amazing kiddos we were given. And I will not sit by and let my kids walk in this world alone, it's scary and can be hard. I've learned lessons that I can teach them. It's my job to do so and I am honored to do so.
We need a big change, and it needs to happen in homes across America, because the hard and honest truth is that this issue is WAY bigger than guns. The sooner we recognize this, the sooner we will see a difference and the longer we continue to point fingers at each other instead of taking responsibility these terrible situations will continue to plague our daily lives.
~Nicole
When will this stop?
When will we stop hating eachother?
When will we stop pointing fingers?
When will we start loving eachother?
Isn't that where the issue is? I see more hate in our schools that I ever did growing up, and my boys aren't even in school yet. The bullying that is taking place is just...I have no words for how cruel these kids are.
The issue we are facing is we are raising kids in a day and age where there is instant satisfaction and no consequences. Children are not having to work for anything. Why are having chores something you rarely hear about anymore? There are no consequences for poor actions. Parents make excuses for their children. Parents are taking a step back and letting the world raise their children. Parents LET their children run the show "oh, you don't like that little Johnny, okay we won't do it then". I am sorry people, disappointment is part of life. Do I like to disappoint my kids? Of course, not. But I am also not going to let them tell me what to do either. Obviously certain situations, of course I listen to my child's concerns, but I think you all get where I am going with this.
The sad part is, it goes so much deeper than that. These children are so desensitized to real life. The games they play promote violence. These social media accounts they are on enable bullying at a rate that is out of control. Children are watching shows and hearing conversations that are too big for them. When did we stop parenting??? When did we start saying "oh, it's just a game, it won't make a difference". Guys, it does make a difference and it IS! We are loosing our babies to things that can be controlled and can be changed.
We as parents need to be more available to our kids. We need to get our faces out of our phones, and off our computers, because we are teaching them that being disengaged is okay. We are teaching them that what everyone else is doing in their life is more important than what is happening right in front of their face.
I could go on and on, and I truly hope my point is coming across. Lately, it's sure seems like we are living in a backwards world. Change happens in the home...we have to stop sending our kids to school to have teachers raise them, and then not have the teachers back when there is a problem. We have to be available to our kids. We have to stop making excuses for them. We need to be more aware! We need to monitor what our kids are doing, seeing and saying. God gave us this amazing gift of being parents. He trusted us to raise the amazing kiddos we were given. And I will not sit by and let my kids walk in this world alone, it's scary and can be hard. I've learned lessons that I can teach them. It's my job to do so and I am honored to do so.
We need a big change, and it needs to happen in homes across America, because the hard and honest truth is that this issue is WAY bigger than guns. The sooner we recognize this, the sooner we will see a difference and the longer we continue to point fingers at each other instead of taking responsibility these terrible situations will continue to plague our daily lives.
~Nicole
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