So I attempted whole 30...for 7 days. I even got through St Patty's Day weekend without partaking in any green beer or Corned Beef Sandwiches! But when Monday hit, day 8, I was a mess. In the book they say this is part of the process, and I get it, I really do. I just couldn't handle how I was feeling, so I had a hard decision to make.
Living Whole 30 just isn't realistic to me, right now. That was my issue from the beginning. I kind of entered into it with a negative outlook. I am aware it is not meant to be forever, that is is meant to be a reset, I am also aware it is only 30 days. Maybe the 30 days I picked were too challenging, maybe this type of reset isn't for me, maybe I am lazy, maybe I am not good at prepping. The reasons or excuses are endless, but all I know is that my mental health was suffering and a diet is not worth that to me. I struggle with anxiety- OCD particularly- (yes I know people say whole 30 can help with that), so adding a trigger to obsessive thoughts was not healthy. Am I saying I won't try it again? No way! I do think there are amazing benefits, and although I do feel like I am in-tuned with my body, trying whole 30 again might reveal some trouble foods for me. All I know is I dropped 7 pounds in a week, that tells you something.
I am a rule follower to the core. Anyone that knows me can attest to that. I struggled with "breaking" the rules. For example, whole 30 really only wants you eating 3 times a day (if you have to snack in between you must), and I know that my body functions optimally when I eat about 5 times a day. So I was snacking, healthy of course. Also you're supposed to read labels and buy certain meats and what not...I did read the labels. However, to find true whole 30 approved foods, spices etc. you have to shop at certain stores, none of which are near me. I did make it work as best I could but I had this nagging feeling that I was doing it wrong. And here lies the problem, a person who does not struggle with OCD, wouldn't be bothered by these silly reasons or feelings, but they were really bothering me. I tried to say it didn't matter and that I could do it how I was, which I could have, but it was creating more of an issue for me than a benefit.
In the amount of time I did it, all I could think about was food. I was so hungry. I lost weight which feels AMAZING, and it was a great jumpstart to that. I did learn some things about myself that I didn't want to acknowledge prior to whole 30. Things like, I eat out waaaay too much. The hubs and I LOOOVE good food, that we don't have to prepare, haha! I make excuses for why I deserve a latte with a bagel ("oh it's raining today, a nice cold latte would be sooooo good and you don't have Starbucks every day like you used to""a bagel in silence would be so nice"). I eat breakfast and then hold off on food all day and then I eat a late snack two hours before dinner. This was probably my biggest issue. My body never knew when I was going to feed it, so it was holding onto what I gave it when I finally choose to feed it. While I am preparing certain dinners I will eat, say chips and salsa, then proceed to eat said meal while I am full from what I just stuffed my face with. I LOVE sweets and although this is not news to me, I am more aware of just how often I reach for them.
Basically I need balance. Struggling with some eating issues in the past I cannot let food have that hold over me. It's too easy for me to slip into a funk at this moment. I know this is getting long winded, but I just wanted to say that if you're feeling this way about food or a diet, what works for one person might not work for you. I am still eating healthy, I'm just adjusting some whole 30 rules and giving myself grace. It was a lot harder than I anticipated and that's okay.
Right now, I want to enjoy my boys, enjoy good healthy food and some not so healthy food and focus on getting a solid workout routine. I felt like I failed because I stepped away from whole 30, but since I made that decision I've been happier and I'm enjoying preparing my meals again.
Signed off,
The Whole 30 Dropout
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