Pick something, and be good at it

When I was a kid I wanted to be a veterinarian.
When I was in middle school and high school, I wanted to be a teacher.
When I was in college (starting off), I wanted to be in real estate.
When I was still in college, I wanted to be a business owner.
When I got my Bachelors in Business, I wanted to one day own and run my parent's construction company.
Right before the babies came, I had my heart set on becoming a Speech Pathologist.

Since I've had the babies, I've had all of these wonderful ideas of what I am going to do....
Make burlap art and sell it.

Make money, blogging.
Change lives selling Herbalife (which I am still pursuing).
Become a nutritionist.
Get into Real Estate.

I guess looking back the main trend is that I want to help someone or something. My heart is for helping others. It always has been. I was so excited to start school for Speech Pathology. I knew I finally found my thing, what I was meant to do. However, the classes were in Orange County, and as my pregnancy went on, the long trek late at night was becoming too dangerous for me. I was exhausted and working full time. I just knew it was better for me mentally to take a step back from school. 

Please don't take this post wrong... I LOVE being home with my babies. I would be broken if I had to leave them. Being a working mom just isn't for me, and I am blessed that I get to stay home with my littles...however it doesn't come without some major emotional challenges.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and something I have realized about myself is that ever since I was 16 I have worked and gone to school. Besides one time in my life, right before our wedding, I have always done both. I have cursed it and be "so stressed I can't do it anymore" (in a desperate voice), but deep down I always loved the challenge. I love learning, and knowing that I can apply what I learn. So this is new to me. I feel like I am not using my brain enough, but, I am learning that is not the case.

Before I go off on a tangent (which is where the next paragraphs went until I deleted them, ha!), what I really want this post to be about is how to accept where you are in life. Sixteen months down the road from giving birth, you would think that I would already have this figured out, but I don't or I hadn't, until recently.

I truly believe that God calls on people to do certain things in their lives. Some people have amazing art talents, some people are great at spreading His word, some are great at saving people (medically speaking). I have been trying to find my "thing", what God has called me to do. Well, hello Nicole, I was blessed with two beautiful miracles. THAT is what my calling is, to be a stay at home momma to my boys. Maybe when they go to school, I can focus on something else, maybe not. I just need to be present and not so hooked on the future. It is great to have determination and drive and a dream, but don't get so caught up in it that you forget to live in the now.

That is something I am really working on. Living in the now, being present with my boys. Anything else is just a distraction, for me. Not everyone feels that way, and that is wonderful, but for me I just need to focus on my babes. I also need to accept that because I am stay at home mom doesn't mean that I will never have a career.

Lately, I have been so anxious, feeling that I need to take classes, I need to do this or that. "But what should I do? What is my calling?" Then I started thinking what if I just pick something I am interested in, and be good at it. Beyond being a momma, if I want to do something for extra money, or extra brain stimulation it doesn't have to be extraordinary, I am already doing something extraordinary, it can be anything that interests me. I just need to make sure I am good at it (because I am a perfectionist).

My title, just pick something and be good at it, means that sometimes we don't clearly see our calling in life. That's okay. If you can find something in life that drives you and makes you happy, put your heart into it. Maybe, just maybe that is where God wants you to be <3

Take the time

Having twins is hectic, just as I'm sure having multiple children is. I spend most of my days just trying to survive and keep these two alive. I really, really try to have special moments with the boys...but it is hard. When I get a chance with one, the other is about to take a head dive off the couch onto the tile. Lord help me (and He has)!

Tonight I went to check on the boys before I snuck off to bed. I went to CJ's crib and he was laying on his back all sprawled out, so cute. I felt his chest move up and down and remembered a time when I had to watch through the incubator as he struggled to breathe. 

I walked over to HB's crib and touched his back, this woke him. Shoot!!! I thought, if I stay really still he won't know I'm in here and I can sneak out real quick and...he sits up, smiles then crawls up the side if his crib. I couldn't resist, I picked him up, sat in the glider and rocked him. So sweet.

I thought of this sweet momma Jacqui whose blog I've been following since her three year old boy passed away, I held HB closer. I looked at his tiny hands that aren't so tiny anymore. When he came into this world his hands were so incredibly small. HB laid there with his head on my chest, loving the special time with his momma. I soaked it in and didn't want to put him down.

The truth of the matter is, I get so caught up in routines. Making sure the boys get fed by this time, are down by naps at this time, don't crack their heads open falling off the couch, don't hit each other, share and on and on, along with the other household things I should be doing during the day. These routines make me forget to stop, and enjoy. Life is too darn short. My babies are babies ONE TIME. These moments are fleeting, I know one day I'll blink and they will be graduating high school, have girlfriends, move out. Tear. 

It is so important to love on your babies, no mater if they or you should be doing something else at that moment. Being a mom is the most exhausting thing I've ever done, but it is the best thing I've ever done. 

Be there, be present wih your littles, because hey are only little for so long. 

Things I love about being a Mommy

 

This totally cracked me up because this is how I felt yesterday

 

First let me just tell you how my day went yesterday...

7am babies wake up get their milk
7:30am all madness breaks loose, the boys remember that they learned how to get on the couch...but they don't sit there, no no. They crawl, run, giggle...all the while I am trying desperately to save their little lives (and heads) so they don't fall off onto the tile. I'm now upset.
8am wrangled them into the front play room
Sometime between 8am and 9am I get us all fed, we play, I text a friend at the end of my rope because again they've gotten back on the couch. I've done timeouts, I've raised my voice (not proud). Do you have any idea how difficult time out is with twins? It's darn near impossible!
So that was JUST my morning. Pretty much all day went like that. Then CJ had a hard time falling asleep so he cried from about 7pm to I think 8:30pm he finally fell asleep, after my husband fell asleep in the rocker by their cribs.

It is safe to say, it was a hard day. My brain was fried, my emotions were fried, I was physically drained. All because I was trying to teach them it is not okay to act crazy on the couch, but also because I don't want them to get hurt on the tile. Some of you might think I am ridiculous and I should let them be crazy, but their safety was at stake. 

What this post is truly about though, is not my crazy day, but what I love about being a mommy. Even on those days.

Here are a few things I love about being a mommy:

The boys will bring me their toys that they know are supposed to make noises when they won't turn on.
I love watching them learn.
I love teaching them.
I love watching their eyes light up with Daddy gets home.
I love the random hugs they will give me.
I love that when I am in the kitchen they come "check" on me, give me a sweet smile then go back to playing
I love being one of the few people who understands them.
I love that they teach me new things everyday.
I love that they run to me if something makes them uncomfortable.
I love that I am their safe place, and they are mine.
I love that they are the best parts of my husband and I, and even though they are twins they couldn't be more different.

There is so much more I love about being a mom.  It grows on a daily basis.

I woke up today, renewed. I prayed all day yesterday for strength. Strength, He gave me. This morning when the boys went to the couch, instead of timeouts or yelling. I simply picked up the culprit, held his brother's hand and walked them both into the front room. Rerouting their attention. All three of us are much happier with this tactic. And they aren't challenging me nearly as much...hmm weird how that works.

So even on the days your having a bad mommy day, remember the things you LOVE about being a mom. Everything we experience here is temporary. That bad day, is a bad DAY not a bad life. Of course, I know in the moment it doesn't feel like that. In fact, if you had told me that yesterday, you would have probably gotten slapped. Ha!

Babies are stirring, so it is time for the second segment of my day to begin...anyone else feel like their day is in segments? Just remember, being a Mommy is such an amazing blessing, and we ALL have bad days...anyone who tells you different, is probably not being a straight shooter.

Love you all and have a beautiful weekend!

~Nic