Self Respect: Love Yourself

Okay, so I totally stole this from one of the girls I follow on my fitness Instagram account. Which I hardly use because I am not doing so well on the whole fitness thing at the moment...that is a story for another day.

Anyways... isn't the above paragraph so true? As women we are sooo hard on ourselves. I could sit down and ramble off a whole list of things I DO NOT like about myself without even thinking about it. How sad. What we need to focus on, what I need to focus on, is loving myself and who I am in God's eyes. He created me perfect in His image! Why can't I see that all the time? It is so easy to focus on the things we want to fix or change. What about all the good we have in our lives? What about having life, having health,  jobs, cars, a roof over our heads etc.

After the babies came my body has changed a lot of course. My tummy doesn't look the same, I have bags under my eyes, I feel exhausted like every moment of every day, among other things. But..I am loved, I am living, I am happy!

I started this blog and that instagram account (I hardly use) to jumpstart my fitness journey. It helped, I am definitely conscious of health decisions I make but I struggle a lot with it at the same time, which I have expressed in some of my other posts. When I have these struggles it is so easy to get down on myself and think of the things I am not doing instead of the great things I am doing. I see these beautiful girls on instagram that I use as my motivation and I want to be like them...but I have to remind myself, a lot of those women are fitness models..their job is to be fit and in shape ALL THE TIME. That's not my job. I am first and foremost a mom and a wife, and I love that. I love me in that role.

Don't get me wrong it is great to be healthy and fit and that is what I strive for, but in the meantime it is so important to love where you are in life. Love your journey. Love what God has given you, because in His eyes you are BEAUTIFUL all the time. What a great feeling that is!

Until next time, my 5 followers...haha! Love you and Happy Halloween!

I'm so stoked to have my very own Batman and Robin this year ;)

~Nic

Prayers

So as I sit here thinking of a zillion things to blog about, but don't have time to write...my heart is aching for a fellow blogger. I only started following her blog a couple days ago when my friend sent me her link. I'm really weird about blogging...I love to put stuff out there, but not too personal. That's just me. So I naturally do not feel write blogging all about this momma seeing as I don't know her personally. However, her blog is public and I know she has a lot of followers. All I ask is that you pray for her and her husband. You can read their story here.

I wish these days would last

 My first hours, even days, of mommyhood were not your typical "I'm so in love with my new baby" experience. Instead I was scared, confused and sick. I didn't get to hold my son CJ until four days after his birth when I finally saw him in the NICU. I knew that I loved these babies, but I was so worried about their survival that was almost my first feeling towards them...worry. Of course it didn't take long for that love and connection that new parents talk about to kick in. It just wasn't my first reaction to parenthood. I know that sounds just awful but I think you parents of NICU babies can relate.  Leaving the hospital you walked fully pregnant into without your baby isn't really the scenario most people picture when they think of the first days of parenthood.

I remember visiting the boys and just praying to hear their cries at home. I know that crying in the middle of the night is exhausting...but I couldn't wait to have my heart back together in one piece under one roof..and if that meant hearing crying all night, so be it. Luckily my boys were awesome when we got them home. I thank the NICU nurses for getting them on a 3 hours schedule! Life saver, I tell ya! Anyways...when I got the boys home I promised myself I would savor every single moment that I got with them.

When the boys were itty bitty I really did what I could to soak up and memorize every moment, every smile, every stare. It is so easy to get swept away with the chaos and stress that a new baby brings into your life. I have to do a mental check when things do get stressful and remind myself that it won't be like this forever, I WILL miss these days with the boys. I'll miss their cries for me, the rushing around, and this baby stage. Time goes by so fast! That time of PURE EXHAUSTION??? It won't last forever. Babies are only that little for a short amount of time. Enjoy it. Yes it is hard and it is tiring, but you are the world to that sweet little life that you created. Embrace the cries, the messy diapers and the days when you can't shower, because they don't last forever, and you are blessed to have a sweet baby to love on.

I felt like writing this post because I feel like there are a lot of new parents that get so stressed they can't see the joy in having a new little baby. It is okay to feel stressed, most of my days I am! Haha! I just really do my best to see the good in the time I have with my little ones.

Until next time friends!

God Bless!

They say it gets easier...

Who are they anyways? They are the parents of a new baby, the ones who have been through the sleepless nights, the messy houses and the struggle to balance it all. We can all relate to how mentally and physically demanding a new baby can be. I think one of the hardest parts though is that a baby doesn't know how much work they are. Ha! When they are crying and fussing and won't stop they have no clue that you are sleep deprived and that this is a huge adjustment to the life you had before. I guess that's why "they" say it gets easier...we all figure it out and get into a routine that adds some sanity to our new crazy but filled with love life. 

So it has been one of those mornings (I started writing this blog post this morning, as you can tell but I am JUST now getting around to posting it, at 8:30...). It actually started last night when CJ refused to go to bed even though I know he was exhausted. I tried CIO, which usually works but he wasn't having it, and I can only hear him cry for so long...so I caved. I think he is cutting some teeth so I brought him out and put him in the swing with a teether ring and some Tylenol. Oh did I mention this was all happening as I was tying to cook myself dinner and as my hubby was getting ready to leave for work? Last night there were a couple of rough hours, but we made it through. After a couple of hours of being up, CJ finally let me lay him in his crib and he passed out.

Then this morning...all was going according to plan. Twins wake up, I change and feed them,  they play while I make myself breakfast and eat, then they go in their swings and nap so I can shower. Oh wait! They were supposed to nap so I could shower! I know that when they have this nap it's my only time to get ready for the day...well CJ had other plans. Instead of falling asleep like usual, he fussed, so I took that as a sign he wanted his crib. So I laid him in there and it began....oy! Obviously his crib is some sort of torture chamber...I'm a mean momma! Not really though...I let him fuss for a little hoping he would tire himself out but that didn't work, and I really do hate hearing them cry. I put HB in the crib also and he fell asleep right away. And as he was snoozing away so was my chance to get ready... because you see, CJ was still wide awake and needing extra cuddles, and even though I was feeling very flustered, holding a baby is very calming and with two its rare I get the chance to just snuggle one, so I happy obliged :) 

As the day went on we had our ups and downs, and I just try to savor every moment. Hard or easy, I am thankful. I was finally able to shower around 1:30pm, and then Hubby let me take a nice long uninterrupted nap. It was glorious!

As I am reflecting on the day, I realize that both boys went to bed at 5:30 tonight...crazy right?! They are still sleeping as I type which is also amazing! Babies are constantly changing keeping us parents constantly on our toes. However, I am thankful for the crazy days with my boys. When they were in the NICU I couldn't wait to hear their cries in the middle of the night, I couldn't wait for the days where they just needed extra mommy love or the days where I could spend hours doing silly things just to hear them giggle. I have such an appreciation for the time I get to spend with my boys. My hubby works hard so I can be with my little loves and I am so thankful.

I love their little footsies!

  I went in a snuck a couple pictures of my sweeties...HB is above and CJ is below.

Oh! Also as a quick update...because I started consuming more calories (and I mean a lot more) my supply went back up! Yay! I also fed the boys on demand for a little while...which kind of made a bad habit with them, but that's besides the point. Mommy can still nurse and the boys are still happy with that so all is good! 

Until next time!

Drying up?!

 There are days when I feel I've never worked this hard in my life, emotionally and even sometimes physically. Maybe not that I've never worked this hard, but I've never worked for such a long period without some down time. Even my sleep feels not restful. I suppose that is the role of a mother though, and although I might be exhausted I wouldn't change a thing.

Last week I noticed my supply seemed to be dwindling. The thought of not nursing anymore crushed me. I'm not ready to be done! Yes there are days when I wish I had a little more freedom with feedings, but I also know that when this chapter is over I will miss it. When I found out I was pregnant with twins, my goal was to get to six months breastfeeding. Since that has come and gone I don't have a new timeline...just for as long as it feels right I suppose. 

When I noticed my supply was dropping I slightly panicked, one because I'm not ready to be done nursing, I truly do enjoy the special time I get with my babies and two because I feel that this will be my one and only time to nurse. My husband and I don't have plans to have more kiddos so this is my one time to have this experience. Is it hard? Heck yeah! However, when this chapter in my life is over a whole new chapter with my babies will open and a whole new kind of "hard" will begin. It is what being a parent is all about. Being a good parent isn't easy but every single moment that is hard is worth it. 

So to increase my supply I started eating...pretty much anything that sounded good to me. I didn't eat "healthy" calories either, whomp whomp. I have such a hard time finding that right balance between eating enough to make sure I am producing enough for my babies and not eating too much. I don't want to overdo it and have a hard time losing weight when I am done breastfeeding. I am so ready to start eating a healthier diet but really struggle with consuming enough calories when I eat clean meals. I know that sounds so lame, but lets face it, chicken and veggies don't add up to the same calories as a burger and fries. It is important to me to be healthy. So I do have healthy meals, just not all the time. I came to the conclusion that nursing the boys until I am done is more important to me than losing weight is right now. I can't really complain anyways, I am now about 65 pounds lighter than I was on the day I delivered my precious bundles. That puts me at 20 pounds lighter than my pre preg weight.

I am asked all the time what I did to lose the weight....I nursed two babies and I am busy. ALL. DAY. LONG. According to Livestrong.com a mother who nurses twins can burn up to 1000 calories a day. I know, crazy, right? And I was worried about getting to my pre preg size! Ha!

Anyways, I guess the idea of this post is to let other nursing mommies know that we all struggle to find the right balance with eating enough and eating healthy. Nursing is not easy on a person, physically or mentally at times. I know it has added to my exhaustion. However, I will never regret those moments. It is special and a bond that is so strong it is hard to explain. My mom always told me how special it was, and I kind of always shrugged it off until I experienced it myself. It is totally worth the hard times in the beginning. It is totally worth the added sleepiness.

Until next time ;)

Hopefully it won't take me a month to post again, but like I said...I am exhausted!