Drying up?!

 There are days when I feel I've never worked this hard in my life, emotionally and even sometimes physically. Maybe not that I've never worked this hard, but I've never worked for such a long period without some down time. Even my sleep feels not restful. I suppose that is the role of a mother though, and although I might be exhausted I wouldn't change a thing.

Last week I noticed my supply seemed to be dwindling. The thought of not nursing anymore crushed me. I'm not ready to be done! Yes there are days when I wish I had a little more freedom with feedings, but I also know that when this chapter is over I will miss it. When I found out I was pregnant with twins, my goal was to get to six months breastfeeding. Since that has come and gone I don't have a new timeline...just for as long as it feels right I suppose. 

When I noticed my supply was dropping I slightly panicked, one because I'm not ready to be done nursing, I truly do enjoy the special time I get with my babies and two because I feel that this will be my one and only time to nurse. My husband and I don't have plans to have more kiddos so this is my one time to have this experience. Is it hard? Heck yeah! However, when this chapter in my life is over a whole new chapter with my babies will open and a whole new kind of "hard" will begin. It is what being a parent is all about. Being a good parent isn't easy but every single moment that is hard is worth it. 

So to increase my supply I started eating...pretty much anything that sounded good to me. I didn't eat "healthy" calories either, whomp whomp. I have such a hard time finding that right balance between eating enough to make sure I am producing enough for my babies and not eating too much. I don't want to overdo it and have a hard time losing weight when I am done breastfeeding. I am so ready to start eating a healthier diet but really struggle with consuming enough calories when I eat clean meals. I know that sounds so lame, but lets face it, chicken and veggies don't add up to the same calories as a burger and fries. It is important to me to be healthy. So I do have healthy meals, just not all the time. I came to the conclusion that nursing the boys until I am done is more important to me than losing weight is right now. I can't really complain anyways, I am now about 65 pounds lighter than I was on the day I delivered my precious bundles. That puts me at 20 pounds lighter than my pre preg weight.

I am asked all the time what I did to lose the weight....I nursed two babies and I am busy. ALL. DAY. LONG. According to Livestrong.com a mother who nurses twins can burn up to 1000 calories a day. I know, crazy, right? And I was worried about getting to my pre preg size! Ha!

Anyways, I guess the idea of this post is to let other nursing mommies know that we all struggle to find the right balance with eating enough and eating healthy. Nursing is not easy on a person, physically or mentally at times. I know it has added to my exhaustion. However, I will never regret those moments. It is special and a bond that is so strong it is hard to explain. My mom always told me how special it was, and I kind of always shrugged it off until I experienced it myself. It is totally worth the hard times in the beginning. It is totally worth the added sleepiness.

Until next time ;)

Hopefully it won't take me a month to post again, but like I said...I am exhausted!