What NOT to say to parents of multiples

I've gone back and forth on writing this post because the last thing I want to do is come across is mean or snooty. If you know me personally you know that I am not that way at all, and most of my readers are my friends and family so you know that this post was made just to inform other people about what NOT to say to parents with multiples.

When people in public realize that you have twins the questions start coming. I don't mind them one bit because who doesn't like to talk about their kids? I guess I should say the majority of questions or comments I really don't mind. Everyone is different so everyone's sensitivity level on the questions and comments will be different. 

My husband and I have recently heard:

Better you than me!

Good luck! (but in a sarcastic way not a sweet way)

Double trouble! 

You have your hands full! 

You poor thing!

I know some of these sound harmless, and to be honest I usually don't get offended. However, it's when people use tones like they are trying to be cruel. Today I had a lady walk up to me and say "twins"? I smiled and said "yes" and she said "good luck, Hahahhaha", and walked away, laughing...no joke. I'm sure she meant it to be harmless but it is hurtful when I'm laughed at.

I guess it is just that I wish people would think about what their words mean. Like I said, most comments I truly don't mind. I understand that there is an interest in multiples because they are unique. I know before I had twins I was in awe of people with multiples. However, I never thought to make comments that could be harsh. The picture I posted above is really something that we mommies of multiples hear probably every time we go out in public. I want to respond with "Darn right better me than you if you have that attitude". Ha! I might think that but I'm not brave enough to say it ;) The whole better you than me, can be hurtful. They have no idea that for the first month of my sons' lives I was scared for their lives. They have no idea what it is like to carry twins and how that feels on your body. They have no idea that I sometimes I have let one baby cry so I can tend to the other. They don't know that I can't give all of my attention just to one of my sons, I have to share my time. Some of  this goes for even moms multiple singletons. So those kinds of comments, although I know they are truly meant to be harmless, sometimes hurt. Maybe it is because people really just don't know what to say, so they spit out the first thing that comes to mind.

So if you come across a parent of multiples think about what you say before you comment and how it will sound. If you are a parent of multiples be prepared for these comments and take them with a grain of salt. Having multiples and/or singletons is such a blessing. Try not to let anyone take that joy from you. No matter how "full your hands" might be, remember your heart is just as full with love. 

Until next time friends! God bless! 

Lack of Motivation

I don't know if it's this warm weather, my lack of sleep, or all the changes that I've gone through in this past year and few months, but I sure am lacking motivation during the day. I LOVE being able to stay home with my boys, it is such a blessing, but also such a huge change for me. Not really having things to do or places to be on the daily makes it hard to get going. The age the boys are right now, also makes it difficult. They want to play but are still stationary, so I'm constantly moving them from station to station and playing in between. I'm loving every second of it, but things around the house are falling by the wayside and I really am struggling to balance it all. When the boys nap...darn it I want to nap too!

I know they are only 5 months old. In my head I keep telling myself they are 5 months old you should have this figured out by now. It is just a huge adjustment, going from waking up at 5am to get ready for work and working all day then relaxing with my hubby at night to being a stay at home mommy, being woken up in the middle of the night, woken up early in the morning and being at my sweet baby boys' beck and call all. day. long. My husband works his butt off and my new job is 24/7. I'm not complaining because I do love it, I just get discouraged sometimes with my lack of motivation. How long did it take you other mommies to get back into the swing of things? Please don't think I sit around the house all day doing nothing, because trust me these boys keep their mommy very busy, but when were you able to feel productive again? My husband is so sweet when I get hard on myself, he reminds me "you are raising humans, I think that's doing a lot right there". That is very true. I guess I just feel like I should be able to do more with my time.

In talking with one of my sweet friends yesterday, who seriously has it all together, she had the same feelings that I do about stuff getting done around the house and feeling tired at the end of the day. We both agreed that when the kids are finally asleep the last thing we want to do is more work (dishes, laundry, etc.) when it is our only down time. It made me feel better that I am not the only one. I would never trade this time at home for anything. I know I will get into the swing of things eventually.

Sleep training, or should I say sleep torcher (for mommy) is a struggle. That could definitely be adding to my tiredness during the day. The boys were doing sooo good! I would put them down at 9pm and they would sleep until 5am, I could deal with that. However for some reason they feel the need to BOTH fight me now for sleep and act like they are newborns again and wake up every 3 hours in the night....ummm no babies didn't you get the memo? You are old enough to sleep through the night now. I suppose it is time to put them in their room, and really get down to business. So I am in a mad scrabble looking for another crib and trying to find a book that will help me get my sanity back! I'm planning on picking up "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" I will let you all know how that goes. Wish me luck!

Self Respect: Exercise

Oh exercise how I miss you! I miss a good workout at the gym, really feeling the burn after a workout. Part of my journey to being healthier is to improve my exercise habits. At the moment I consider getting out of the house to go on a walk an accomplishment. Even if it's a walk, it's better than sitting on the couch. Can I be honest though? I know how pathetic this sounds too, I'm embarrassed...but I'm not comfortable going on walks alone. I'm scared. Not of people but of dogs...I totally give you permission to laugh! I know how incredibly irrational this sounds. However if you knew me, you would know what a fearful person I am and although these fears might be silly to everyone else, they are very real to me. I struggle with anxiety, so it is hard for me to go outside of my comfort zone sometimes.

"Do one thing everyday that scares you" - Eleanore Roosevelt

After writing the first part of this post last night, I was thinking about what else to say...was I going to say that I let me fear stop me yet again from going out and doing something I love? Or was I going to be able to say that I faced my fear today? Well I can say I faced my fear.

 

And it felt good! I loaded the boys up into their stroller and we went on a really nice walk. Now that they are bigger they can sit in their stroller seats and not the car seats, which makes it much easier. 

I feel very restricted most days. I stay in the house with the boys day in and day out (I refuse to put them in the child care at the gym, they are still too little). Not only in the aspect of working out but because I do breast feed I have to plan my time out according to their feeding schedule. It makes it hard to leave the house some days. 

Today though we had a very busy day with doctors appointments and errands to run. I'm telling you I get my workout in unloading and reloading those two into our truck! After being out all day I was exhausted. I was able to take a nice nap this afternoon and then got a second wind. I thought to myself...let's be brave. So I was, and I am damn proud of myself. I LOVE going on walks but I always walk with someone. Today I walked with my boys, it was so nice...and guess what? I didn't get attacked! 

I faced a fear, as silly of a fear as it is, and I feel great! I came home and celebrated with a yummy banana, peanut butter, protein shake. 

The important thing is to get moving. Whether it is a hard core gym sesh or an evening walk with friends. Just move, it's better than being stationary.