Lately grocery shopping feels like Nicole's Three Ring Circus. Step right up to see Crazy Red and her not trained so well, wild animals.
If you know me, you know I am kind of a no nonsense mom. I have to remind myself that they are 4 not 14. I don't know if this is because there are two of them or if that's just how I would have been regardless. What I do know is, things escalate quickly between them. Their energy is electric.
So fast forward a few weeks ago shopping. Both were out of the cart walking, or should I say pulling on my cart in different directions, sliding on the ground, picking up random things, blowing faces on the glass at the meat counter (gross I know and I am pretty sure the whole store knew how I felt about it). I paint this picture not to show that my kids are naughty because the reality is they aren't or my lack of control. They are acting their age. However, as my blood pressure is rising so the frustration of every little thing they do. I finally pull the "okay, now you're not getting the balloon mommy said you could have for acting the right way in the store". Probably 15 minutes before this I told them if they behaved they could have these balloons they always beg me for.
I could have handled it at a better time so I didn't have to hear the crying that ensued for the rest of my, what was supposed to be 10 more minute shopping trip. I could have avoided the stares, even comments "I would have given in", the sympathy my sad little boy was getting. What people didn't know was I was following through. He had to have a consequence for his actions, and this did not go without warnings, he had plenty of chances. Needless to say that trip was a disaster, I left the store feeling judged, frustrated and sad (who wants to hurt their kids feelings? He was so hurt that I took away his chance for a balloon.) After that I told myself I WOULD NEVER shop with them again. Ha!
Present day and I need to shop. So I came up with the plan to have one in the cart and one walking. We would switch half way through the store. What a genius idea, it worked!
I was almost at the end of my trip when we had an avocado dispute. Both wanted to put avos in the bag and the kiddo that was in the cart didn't like that I suggested his brother bag them and then he could put them in the cart. A little attitude emerged and he crossed his arms....I can't stand this. I maintain myself but said "it's not okay to cross your arms, it's rude and doesn't look like your a nice little boy" and let him continue on his little tude sesh while I walked around a little more.
This older couple walked by and I smiled at them as they walked passed still in my own world about how stressed I was. A few seconds passed and the lady walked up to me. I smiled and said "hi" and she said "I just want to tell you, what you're doing with him is right." And went on to tell me she was happy to hear my correcting his behavior and telling him that it wasn't polite and how important it is in this day and age. I teared up and honestly it took a lot for me to not full on cry because I needed those words so badly. Her words were so kind and so full of love. She told me that God would guide me through and I asked if I could hug her. Her words changed my morning, my day, my moments of doubt.
How many moments do we spend doubting ourselves as parents? How many times do people not understand our motives for how we parent? It is so dang easy to be mean in this day and age, it is so, so easy to judge.
I encourage you to speak up when you see someone doing something awesome. Or if if you see a mom struggling with her three ring circus at the store, tell her she is doing great! You will change her world.
The lady came back and gave the boys each a dollar which they bought a balloon with. In the car ride CJ said "that lady was like an angel" again que the tears, God sent her to me at the right time.
Because of her I was able to see that what I am teaching the boys is not frivolous, it is important because it is important to me and that I might just being doing alright after all in the mom department.
