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The title is how I felt at the end of yesterday.

Just...blank. Worn down. Emotionally drained. Exhausted. Frustrated.

 

I prayed all day yesterday for patience and strength to get through the day. God granted me those all day until I was able to have a moment to unload when my husband came home.

I love my three guys more than anything. My poor husband who also had crappy day yesterday, walked through the door to a wife who had been crying and was not done....I fed my little Monkey handed him to my husband and walked into our room, laid on the bed, and cried...ugly cried.

The boys were non stop all day. All I wanted to do was clean the kitchen and I couldn't. If  I had them in their walkers they were at my feet crying for me. If I had them playing on the floor, they were grabbing the Christmas tree and pulling needles, or crawling to me in the kitchen. If I put them down for a nap CJ would fight me....and on and on.

Don't think I don't let them cry either...with two, I don't really have a choice! However, you can only listen to your baby cry/ whine for so long before you cave.

I think they are getting stir crazy just as I am.

At the end of the day yesterday, I had just had it. I needed a good cry, and a nap.

The thing is it is okay to have bad days. I haven't broken down like this since the boys have been born. Maybe small freak outs here and there but not full on ugly cry. It is hard to be needed 24/7 and I've been having a real identity crisis lately.

I spoke to a few of my friends over the last few days, I am so glad to hear I am not the only one! haha!

Being a mom is so amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. However, there are hard days. Days when I miss getting up and going to work, days where I miss it just being me and my husband, days were I wish I could eat when I am hungry! I am so in love with my boys though and that's why it is so hard to have those feelings.

But I am human...and I have to learn that it is okay to have those selfish feelings...at times ;)

Other than my venting sesh....although the boys have gotten more clingy, they have been so much fun! Crawling, standing, trying to walk. I love it! They can crawl up on my lap and they snuggle into me, makes my heart melt every time. It is moments like that, at the end of a stressful day, that I soak up every moment and wish they wouldn't grow so fast.

 

This pictures depicts my daily life perfectly. CJ usually is flipping upside down being a crazy, and my little HB "Monkey" is sweetly snuggling me, or holding on as I am trying to save his brother ;)

 

I am so incredibly blessed to have these two. They have taught me so much about myself over the last 10 months. My husband is amazing for putting up with my mood swings and being such a great daddy. I love watching the boys' faces light up when he walks through the door at the end of the day.

 

I hope all you other mommies know it is okay to be overwhelmed. We aren't perfect, we are human! We give our all, all day long. It is exhausting...and that is okay too.

 

~Nic